so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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