I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
