pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
