Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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