Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
