u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
