I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
