i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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