...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize