My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
