We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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