if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My dad is sitting where you rode me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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