your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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