She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were trust falling into bushes
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
