she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Come share oat with me in your robe
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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