I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
