So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
