he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
