Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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