I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
