and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize