After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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