I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
