My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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