I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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