would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
