How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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