there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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