I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
