all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
