Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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