Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize