I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
