I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
