He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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