his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
