The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
