We named our party play list daddy issues
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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