Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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