She's JV to your varsity
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Green mimosas i think yes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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