can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
