dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will be naked everywhere
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
