I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
