This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
