What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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