What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
