I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
