just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
