Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
