you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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