you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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