im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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