dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
