I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
