I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
