The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
