I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
