i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
