Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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