Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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