Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
