Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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