you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
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