i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
