do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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