Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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