It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You are the jesus of drinking
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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