you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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